Exercise

I think Nike is onto something - the times I have the most success with exercise are when I ‘just do it’. I marvel now when I look back at the time in my teens when I started getting up at 6am every morning and going running before school (I don’t know what prompted this) or the time in my 20s when I returned home from traveling very overweight and went running every night after working full time until I’d totally changed my shape. These instances and more resulted in no fuss, fast physical health benefits and a massive boost for my mental wellbeing too.

Although historically my body has tended to respond quite quickly to positive change, I’m terrified that any day now, I’ll hit that stage where I have to work three times as hard for the smallest of benefits. Being one of those 40+ women who has to exist on a lettuce leaf a day in order to feel happy about the way I look and feel terrifies me because:

• I’m greedy

• There’s no point in a life without wine

We all know how amazing it feels when we get exercise right, and overall, I’m proud of what my body and mind has been capable of since I hit my very late thirties and finally started to take care of myself for good. When I signed up to a gym just after my marriage ended. I was 39 and like a fish out of water. My needs had been that unimportant to me for so long that I hadn’t even considered buying the right kit. I wore old battered trainers, normal leggings and one of my ex husbands old t shirts. I didn’t even have a sports bra (a HUGE oversight in every sense given that I often wear two nowadays!). Being shown how to work the machines, I looked around at all the people so calmly and capably working towards a healthier body and mind, and felt like a hopeless and unworthy imposter. But fast forward just three or four months and my shape – and mindset – was really starting to transform. The gym was my great escape - my therapy - and when I discovered body combat it was even better. I lived for the classes, and I’d do them in my rubbish and completely inadequate gym kit, looking in admiration at the members who seemingly had it all: the right kit, fantastic figures and loads of energy. In the early days, when these high impact classes coincided with my first foray into the 5:2 diet, I’d be so exhausted that I felt like I was going to throw up afterwards. But I was so excited about a future as a person who invested in myself.

I was totally in awe of the instructor Anita and remember approaching her in the changing rooms one Saturday morning (fully clothed obvs) to tell her how her classes were helping me get through a difficult time. I was mortified to notice that in telling her this. I actually wanted to cry. That’s when she told me that she used to be a size 20, and I realised that despite what we assume, many of us are fighting our own battles. There are so many inspirational stories – sharing them and being as open about our ‘before’ and ‘during’ as our ‘after’ is wonderfully powerful and might just be the difference between someone taking that scary step towards a new future (more on that in a sec).

I constantly have to promise myself that I won’t slip back to the person I was. And although I never have, I don’t always move forward. I still gain and lose momentum and motivation (and pounds) so I’m always aware of how precarious my progress is.

My latest pursuit is revisiting running. Although it would be a barefaced lie to say I enjoy it, it’s rewarding to see slow improvement and I feel awesome afterwards. I’ve always liked the idea of taking my kit on holiday with me but never actually got it out of the case, preferring instead to eat beige carbs for breakfast and sit on a sunbed all day. But on holiday recently, I went out running three times, and found it to be a fantastic way to really get under the skin of the place I was staying, see some of the beautiful countryside, have mini adventures, and feel proud of myself.

Like so many things in life, being mentally in the game isn’t something you can force – it’s just something that clicks into place. But in the meantime, you can still be physically in the game. Which is why I’m still dragging myself out at least twice a week, ideally three.

Although I’ve historically run 4-5k relatively comfortably, I’ve been struggling to get past 3k since I re-started six weeks ago. This has worried me, but might be something to do with working 100% from home since March on a plastic office chair I bought my son when he was 8, which has left me with the posture of a shelf bracket and joints creakier than a shit concertina. But I’ve had lots of wonderful advice from fellow runners on twitter, so I now feel more equipped to improve my lacklustre performance.

Exercise I’m not so keen on

I bloody hate yoga. It pains me to say this as I’d like to think I’m a reasonably spiritual person, and I completely believe in the fact that for every move you make, there are umpteen spiritual and mental benefits. It’s also a myth that it’s easy – it’s actually really hard work, and something I’d find easier if faster, timed to music and incorporating some kicks and punches.

If you’ve ever experienced the embarrassment of a failed Navasana, you can triple it and add a cherry on top when it comes to Kundalini yoga. This is every bit as physically challenging as standard yoga but underpinned by singing, chanting, and dancing with wild abandon. Again, probably a powerful exercise in spirituality if you’re not the bashful type, but one session of unabashed heavy breathing and swaying was too many for me. Plus, it’s likely that you’ll have someone’s feet in your face, and that constant smell of a dirty wash basket when you’re down on the mat. Strange though that I never complained when face down in someone’s freshly dripped armpit sweat at a boxercise class – I guess it’s down to personal preference.

Classes that involve both feet leaving the ground can also be a problem. I’m ever aware that having had a 9 lb 3 baby, my bladder is not what it once was. Although given that my son is now 13, it may be unfair to blame him at this stage.

When I was early in my journey, I did a Race For Life with my friends, but not the normal one – the one with the assault course. I was abysmal – everyone was faster than me, and getting up the rope climbing frame was like plaiting fog. I also got stuck at the top and daren’t climb down the other side, which meant an attendant had to rescue me. I have no desire to repeat that experience, and remain in bewildered awe as to why anyone would. But again, personal preference.

Why we’re awesome

I have a huge amount of respect for anyone embarking on or maintaining this journey, because there’s no getting around it – it’s hard! Finding it in yourself to get out there and make yourself uncomfortable when you’re knackered from a hard day’s work and/or parenting is the last thing many of us want to do. But it brings with it so many positives. I find the ability to identify as a runner or a gym gives me a wonderful sense of purpose, plus a sense of belonging and pride. I also find that it rubs off onto other areas of my life too, particularly the decisions I make about food.

Rather than ‘all or nothing’ I try to be ‘a little bit of something’. I look at it holistically – if I spend 30% of my year in a slump, 50% average and 20% amazing, what does that year look like compared to one I spent 100% of in a slump?

I think our minds are complex – I personally have a very active inner saboteur that’s always poised to do its best to undo my hard work and productivity. Although I’ve worked hard to figure it out, I’ve never managed it. But what I do know is that if my goal is running three times a week and I go once, it’s ok. I don’t throw the towel in – I stay in the game, even if I’m more of a reserve. And when I’m feeling motivated, I make hay while the sun shines.

Let’s face it, exercise can be shit, whether we’re panting our way up and down a track, punching our way through a 90s dance track, or shaking like a shitting dog while holding the tree pose, but it also makes life better, whatever our age and whatever our goal. To repeat the words of Nike, just do it, and don't be afraid to share your journey on social media either! Check in at the gym, share your run or walk, and share your progress! You won’t regret it (unless you end up stuck at the top of a climbing frame).