Signs of spirituality

I didn’t really think about spirituality until my late thirties. Yet before that I’d have happily given my own judgement over to a psychic and paid them for the privilege. In fact I did, more times than I care to mention. In my early twenties when one told me my long-distance relationship with my Irish boyfriend was ‘absolutely lovely’ (it wasn’t), I decided to leave a fantastic job, friends and family to move to Dublin. *Clinton Baptiste could have done a better job of that reading, but I guess your early twenties are what impetuous decision making is for. Anyway the countryside and pubs were awesome.

I’d now consider myself more spiritual than ever before, but psychics are very low on my list.

That's because for me, spirituality is more to do with the ability to tap into my own wisdom and find my own peace. Cheaper, but more difficult than it sounds as I'm sure anyone on a similar quest will attest. Forming new, more positive habits and perspectives takes time, discipline and practice - it's not something you can definitively 'achieve' like a weight loss goal or a qualification. I'll talk about my methods in another blog, but I’ve noticed as I’ve been writing about my life that listening to and trusting myself has been a constant theme, so maybe some of my efforts are finally working.

I'm aware that this is a bit of a contradiction, but although I've stopped seeing psychics, I'm a sucker for signs. Since I became more open to signs, I see them everywhere. I believe the external things we notice and that resonate with us are mirrors of what we're really feeling inside. Although I know they're viewed as a bit of a cliche, I get a lot of comfort from seeing feathers and repeating numbers. But there are many other nudges from the universe. Think spectacularly timed texts, media content and poignant snippets from conversations. For example, surely it was no coincidence when distracted for a second on a busy Monday night in the gym, I looked up to see a subtitled piece on the TV news that represented a more pronounced example of something that had happened that weekend which had rung alarm bells for me. The feeling in the pit of my stomach allowed me to discern between coincidence and warning. A red flag that was already at half mast then began waving furiously when I heard something about the same topic on the radio driving home. I knew that something was looking after me, gently alerting me to danger. Of course I duly ignored it, but I later learned that I should probably have listened.

I take comfort from knowing there's an innate sense of direction in me, even if sometimes I lose my connection to it a little. It goes beyond what I can see and touch, but I know it’s there because of how it responds to the challenges and choices I’m presented with, and the fact that as yet, it hasn't been wrong (even if my ego has).

We don't have to act on every thought or impulse. If we did, we'd ping pong from one decision to another and make huge life changes on a whim (hello Dublin!). For me, it's not about the fact that thoughts or signs present themselves - it's about whether or not they resonate. And if we're connected to that feeling of knowing, of deeper meaning, of rightness, we know when we're meant to listen.

That's what spirituality means to me.

^{*I am OBSESSED with Clinton Baptiste}